How to Embrace The Present Moment (and let go of old stories that aren’t serving you)
Have you ever asked yourself: Am I a self-help junkie?
(I know I’m not alone in this! Welcome to the club- we’re fun here!)
This month I caught myself really evaluating the deep focus, motives, habits, and patterns that I’ve left unquestioned for the past 8 years or so. If you haven’t been here long- we can sum it up by saying I was always learning some new mindset technique or working on forgiving and releasing something from my past (rape, miscarriage, childhood traumas, having cystic fibrosis).
I believe turning deeply inward saved me from re-creating the life I watched my parents living.
I thought that deep introspection, silence, and sense of detached peace was mature, responsible, beautiful, and strong. I thought it made me more stable and patient and capable of giving love… and maybe it did, but I’m waking up to a new reality today: there’s even more to life when I’m not passive and detached!
Maybe I wasn’t always a self-help junkie; the improvements I’ve made in my mind and life are incredible and I wouldn’t be anywhere near the woman I am today if I hadn’t started working on forgiveness, self-care, consistency, and love from the time I was fourteen years old.
It helped to name these beautiful shifts in my journal last week. Here are a few of the celebrations that came out:
- At seventeen, I forgave my mom for the messiness of my childhood- the drugs, abusive men, going without, days alone raising siblings at eleven years old… the Christmas spent in a closet and the nightmares… I let go and opened my heart to love over a situation hundreds of thousands of people are still holding onto hurt and hatred at more than twice my age. That’s something incredible, and without my willingness to open a personal development book, take notes and action, and reflect honestly in myself, I might never have experienced that freedom and started the ripples that came from the experience.
- I forgave a rapist and found my own love and compassion more powerfully through the experience.
- I found the courage to ask for a divorce after a decade of trying to be the perfect wife, the perfect woman, a good girl… I gave up the approval that felt so necessary, and instead chose to live my life fully. That’s something most people barely dare to dream of, let alone act on. It wasn’t at all what I expected, but I’m proud of myself for taking the leap, and for the healing and friendship that managed to form in the relationship ending.
Now, I’m learning a new kind of self-love.
It looks a lot like forgiveness… and freedom. It’s the kind of self-love where I look at my own little heart and realize, hey, I’m enough. I’ve done enough, I care enough, I love enough. I’m not hurting anyone, my needs are all met and I’m doing alright. As in: I don’t need to fix me. I’m good, right here, right now. It’s safe to be all me without combing through every little thing I could possibly improve.
Sure, I’ll always be learning, I’ll always be on an adventure. I’ll grow, that’s a part of being human. And really, it’s just my passion. I love to learn and grow and change. I love trying on new feelings, experiences, and ways of life.
But I’m learning that it’s safe to set down the magnifying glass
and stop chasing fires in my character to tackle and transform overnight.
In fact, this new sort of forgiveness means facing, forgiving, and letting go of the fact that my over-reflecting and addiction to personal growth has actually been a little selfish. In the end of my marriage, I spent a good 90% of the time introspectively experiencing life. I wasn’t available, and I didn’t want to be. Then, in experiencing a new love, I found myself struggling to get out of my own head to actually live out the joy and newness of it all. I felt I had nothing to give and my insecurity went through the roof- it took a physical effort for me to see past myself, and I was determined to make that effort, but it wore me out quickly, trying to see myself and fix every little thing and understand every little breath and blink… while also living life in the moment and learning someone new. I was lost in the bliss, but it felt really chaotic at the same time. I couldn’t find solid ground because I was so busy analyzing what was going on in my head and how I could show up better for everyone else in my life.
I’ve been here before, though.
I remember a point about two years ago- shortly after I’d really made progress in healing from being raped- where I felt like it was time to stop working on myself so much. I felt like I needed to just live out the new beliefs and sense of self I’d developed. Just be me without judging or analyzing or re-defining, you know? I did let go, and I lived for a bit… and ended up visiting the ocean and setting my biggest dream in motion- moving to the Oregon coast (where I’ve been living for six months at the time I’m writing this)!
When I let myself just be where I am, I live more freely.
I was playful and more lighthearted. I was more present and loving in my relationship and with my family and even within my business… I felt beautiful, powerful, strong, and confident. It was effortless to do what was on my list and enjoy adventures and dream every day. The low points I experienced were less frequent and intense than they’d been in the past. My thought patterns were just effortlessly more expansive and curious. It was incredible!!
And what’s getting me is that I’ve learned this already!
I feel like: omg, I know this stuff! Why am I not doing it?
Do you ever find yourself in that position?
I just told you all about it- I know it works because I’ve done it! And yet it took over a month of spiraling and struggling to embrace myself- reminding myself every day on the surface what I needed to hear, but not actually doing the deeper inner work to let it shift into place- before I finally got out of my own way and let in the realization that, hey, I’m enough! I’m allowed to relax and live a little. I’m not going to undo any progress or ruin my life or hurt anyone by being me.
What a concept, right?
Anyway, I wanted to share this because I think we forget sometimes that even (er, especially) experts and the pros within every industry have a tough time perfectly practicing the things they know so well!
I can’t tell you how many coaches I know who don’t practice what they coach, despite being AMAZING coaches in that area. I can’t tell you how many social media marketers don’t do their own social media marketing (Revived Socials included- I’m with ya most of the time!! Unless I plan it ahead, it doesn’t get done.). I don’t think successfully implementing what you know is a matter of talent or expertise so much as it is knowing and connecting with yourself intimately. It’s about mindset- it all comes back to serendipity! If we’re not open to seeing what’s possible, it’s really easy to overlook our own power and resources- but when we are open to serendipity, possibilities pour in from every direction. We see our strengths without boundaries or compartments; everything can flow freely, which is what the abundant, playful energy of the universe does best!
So, here’s to being the butterfly!
Unfolding is just the beginning. The real magic is in the flutters and flights to follow. I’m ready for that part of the adventure!
Are you?
Sending lots of love from my little edge of the world,
Jessica
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