The Power of Gentle
Of all the catalysts in my life thus far, gentleness has been the most magnificent.
Have you ever noticed how, when you push and fight for something you really want, it can start to feel like every little thing is working against you? When we’re desperate, when we try to force things (especially while hiding it under the disguise of “hustling” or “getting something accomplished”), it makes a battle out of what could have been a walk along the countryside.
In the past few years, my life has been transformed from a chaotic, often-dark childhood to a crumbled but healing early adulthood to what is finally a dream come true living in the forest on the Oregon coast as an author and entrepreneur with my cat and a greater love than I ever could have dreamed… One of the most powerful lessons I learned along the way is that the universe really does have my back. I’m noticing this constant phenomenon where what’s best for me is always right in front of me (regardless of whether or not I’m willing to see and embrace it), and the moment I open my heart to receiving the gift of what’s just for me, it unfolds effortlessly.
In fact, I’ve learned that, while there are times to hustle, that true hustle tends to come naturally when I’m trusting in serendipity and leaning into opportunities without being able to see the answer for certain. (A little faith in the universe goes a long way.)
I’ve struggled constantly along this road to change- going back and forth between what I really want (mixing it up with what I felt like I “should” want or what I assumed people expected of me and feeling torn between decisions). I forced myself to try things, to get distracted, to try to be bigger or louder than I felt… and in some ways that was courage- it was adventurous and brave to try on new expressions of who I am, I think! To allow myself to be seen even when I felt uncertain and unfinished.
But I’m learning there’s a difference between allowing myself to try new things and play and grow without concern for who’s looking or what they might think… vs trying on everyone’s perspective in order to learn how to best serve them. There’s a deeper purpose to the service I’m here to do in the world- it’s not just a matter of people-pleasing or being liked by everyone. That’s a self-sabotaging distraction and it’s totally impossible and pointless.
I love the power of gentleness.
There’s an art to gently opening up and pursuing a passionate dream with the most delicate and intentional touch. The more I try to grow into my own dreams, the more I realize I already am those dreams come true (if I can only step back and soften my gaze). I’m learning to look at myself with loving kindness, compassion, and patience.
It’s not always pretty (and it doesn’t always work).
Just yesterday, I was crying at the lake because it’s been more than 3 years since I first set the intention to learn to use my voice- to speak up and be loud enough for people to hear me the first time I say something- to let myself sing along to my favorite songs even when people are around… Just to let my joyful thoughts flow as openly in speech as they do in my writing. It’s a dream of mine to be able to speak with as much love and clarity as I write… but yesterday it felt so hopeless and frustrating. I looked at how I still barely squeak out my thoughts- from pillowtalk to showing appreciation to dear friends to ordering a coffee. I looked at everything I’ve accomplished and discovered since setting the intention to learn to use my voice, and I felt defeated noticing how much unfolded and still hardly helped in growing my little voice.
But at the end of the day, I came to appreciate the time I’ve spent leaning in, loving myself, providing gentle nudges and opportunities to practice speaking up. I noticed how much I allow myself to say at all- and I realized I speak now where I would have said nothing in the past. I have the courage to put things in words- both in my writing (like writing an entire book on healing from rape, hello voice) and in my speaking.
Gentle appreciation for the gift of my voice, just as it is, brought me closer to realizing the full dream than picking at myself with harsh criticisms ever could.
We know this is true for others- appreciation and kindness work better than aggression and cruelty… so of course the same is true for ourselves. (This reminds me of the saying: “you’ll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.”) I think the world would be a brighter place if we were able to lean toward gentle patience and compassion when it comes to our own dreams as well as in our relationships.
Here’s to continuing to test that theory.
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