Where Beauty Comes From
I spent this morning scrolling through my old Tumblr account, tearing up over all I’ve done since starting what has been my dream board since I was 14 years old. When I started using a Tumblr photo-blog, I spent the days mostly curled up in dirty closets avoiding the reality of my home life at the time. My mom was an active alcoholic and addict, I was going back and forth between my parents on weekends and holidays- two totally different worlds and I didn’t know who I was in either of them… Still coping with nightmares and flashbacks from the worst of the past.
When I started it, Tumblr was my escape. It’s where I found every beautiful thing that seemed like an absolute fairy tale compared to the life I was living.
It felt wondrous and impossible, about as real as the possibility of living in Hogwarts.
I cried as I scrolled this morning because today my life looks a lot like that dreamy Tumblr. The feels are everything I imagined them to be and more… and I know it’s not even finished unfolding yet. What really blows my mind is how little attention I paid to the locations of the beautiful photos I was saving (remember, I thought it was all just an impossible dreamy world, far beyond my reach). Then today scrolling through these glowing dreams of nature and peaceful places, I realized almost every photo was somewhere I’ve been talking about traveling lately and actually researching destinations, ticket prices, and the necessary budget for.
For instance, Whales where my the woman who was my first ever coaching discovery call two years ago actually lived… And New Zealand, the place with a pod of orcas unlike any other that I fell in love with in a documentary… and this beautiful lake in the middle of Italy… The side of Italy I dream of seeing, along with a tour of coffeeshops, of course.
When I saved the posts, it wasn’t for a goal.
It was to preserve and inspire a feeling I didn’t want to forget.
I didn’t give these wild dreams a lot of thought or planning, I just wanted to embody the feeling I found when I saw and saved them to my Tumblr. It was a feeling of peace, hope, possibility, and joy. Despite my circumstances, or else because of them, I felt so loved by the universe knowing places and creatures so beautiful were able exist in the same world as the one I was living in- both literally and figuratively.
I felt grateful just to live on the same earth. Actually traveling and experiencing beautiful places never even crossed my mind… until I realized my life was starting to look like those old dreams I had- and it clicked that these beautiful photos ARE the real world. I had this urge to visit the ocean, which turned into a need to live near the ocean… and from there it all just unfolded. It wasn’t so much a goal as it was a pulling at my heart for the most beautiful thing I’d ever known- my feet, lungs, eyes, heart… all of me in the Pacific ocean.
I’m grateful for the time it took me to wake up to the possibility of experiencing these dreams for real.
Since I didn’t believe it was possible and I wasn’t distracted by trying to reach the dreamy destination literally, I instead focused on creating that incredible experience within my own heart and soul. I found and created it inside myself- and because of that, my peace is indestructible.
Nobody can touch it with ill will. Nothing can take it away.
It’s powerful, resilient, beautiful, and so very safe in this strong heart of mine.
And on the other side, it’s humble. I see how my past has served me and how the open mind and heart I bring to my life each day continues to bring more beauty and joy with every passing moment. If I hadn’t been blessed with a mess of a childhood or those early limited perspectives (or even the limits I am in the process of shedding in this moment), I might never have truly experienced my dreams coming true.
This is where the most beautiful moments in a life come from.
One of the first things I share when I’m writing or coaching around peace and balance is the importance of creating the energy you want (the feeling of peace, satisfaction, freedom, joy…) in your own heart and fully feeling, believing in, and connecting with that every moment of every day… before the dream actually comes true. People are so afraid to do this, thinking it will ruin their ambition if they already feel good… or that it’s impossible to embody such satisfaction without having actually done the job. Both of those stories are just lies we convince ourselves of though.
Your productivity should never be a measure of your worth- or of the joy and peace you allow yourself to feel.
The journey is your real life- not the destination.
This is why it’s such a joy to see, feel, and experience beautiful things. Every beautiful moment is just that- it’s a moment. Even places that are beautiful are only beautiful in moments- they have their less awe-inspiring moments too. It’s all a part of the journey. Imagine the natural disasters that must have taken place over eons in order to create the most beautiful destinations on the planet today. It’s the same with our lives, on a smaller scale. The most devastating experiences have the potential to create the most breath-taking beauty you’ll ever know. It’s just a matter of how you choose to see it. It’s like being a photographer in your own life.
“Photography is an art of observation.
It has very little to do with the things you see and everything to do with the way you see them.” - Elliott Erwitt
I learned this in part through working with a phenomenal photographer named Rachel Renee.
She captured my life documentary-style in a photo shoot you’ve been seeing photos from on this blog for months now. The shoot was my everyday life, a look at me in my most natural element without the need for a show, posing, or props. What I saw in the photos broke my heart wide open. Rachel gave me the gift of allowing me to see myself through the eyes of an artist.
This is what we need to do with our lives- we need to change the way we see the present. Let it crack us wide open- take it in all of it’s real-ness and find the beauty. Cherish the beauty. Notice where that beauty is coming from and treasure that too. You’d be surprised how often the source of the beauty is something that once felt like a painful loss.
I’ll let you think on that as you explore this beautiful day for yourself now…
but before you go…
I have a secret to share with you:
That longing to find where the beauty is coming from…
that’s a longing to know the core of your own beautiful heart.
Trust the longing, pursue it.
Play with it, be curious about it.
Listen to what you tell yourself about the journey you are in, and make sure you’re writing a story you love with each thought and moment.
You hold the pen in your own story. Write something as beautiful, magical, and inspiring as you like. Then wake up tomorrow and do it again. You in?
Originally published at www.lilacsinparadise.com. Visit my site for more!
